I didn't get to be a waiter in a Deli Bar - It was even better !

24nd March 2010

Oh no....... Another public transport day. Can I do the bus this time. We will see !!

My flight is with BMI Baby from East Midlands to Belfast InternationalAirport. The plane leaves at 5.00pm and arrives at 6.00pm. The first bus opportunity was lost when I copped out and decided to take a  taxi to the  railway station a train to Derby. Fron there a second train to East Midlands and a coach to the airport. On the train to Derby I sat next to a huge man, so much so that I had to perch on the edge of the seat. What happen if you are so big that you take up too seats. Does the train manager have the right to ask for double fare. They should do !.

I arrived early ( nothing new there !). I am flying with BMI Baby, check in was funny, the rules about hand luggage and checked in luggage are really tight as each of the budget airlines has its  own rules and regulations regarding weight and what you can carry on. It is a couple of hours entertainment in itself watching confused people trying to juggle and re-juggle their luggage so the weight is on the right side of the rules and the had baggage fits into the metal cage. One poor elderly couple had hand baggage that didn't fit so they were sitting in front of the check in desk doing a bit of portion management.

Never seen a pair of pants as big !

I find that the problem isn't so much getting your bag in the measuring cage, it's getting it out again after you've prised it in. A tip... If it's got wheels on put it in upside down. You will save yourself a considerable embarrassment and anxiety. Do you know, my case cost more to go Belfast than I did ! That's never right. Bring back the good old days where the price was the price and the booking process wasn't peppered with  a god knows how many extras and a  50 quid flight translates to over £100. There is talk that Ryan Air are planning to change £1 to go to the loo on the plane. That would be a step too far. I would be very tempted to take a spare set of clothes and sit there and piss in my seat just to make a point !

I do like watching people in airports. Ryan Air fly from East Midlands to Poland and the airport lounge was full of Polish people and their children causing absolute chaos. They all appeared to have brought the own packing up. The takings from the in-flight catering was going to take a hit ! My flight with BMI baby was on time, pretty uneventful apart from the lady sat next to me snoring and salivating down her front. I arrived at Belfast International at 6.00pm. Paula was due to pick me up and on leaving baggage reclaim I gave her a call. Alan, Paula's partner picked up, he was on his way and would be there in 5 minutes. I headed right and stood at the side of the road, 5 mins came and passed. The phone rang.

'where are you'? he asked


'Outside the arrivals'

'OK - just about there'

another 5 mins passed.. The phone rang again.



' Can't see you'


' I'm by the side of the big billboard advertising Jet2Com' I advised.


' Jet2Com don't go from Belfast City' was the response'.


' That's cos I'm at Belfast International'


' Fuck'



Paula is priceless, I know there was a danger of them going to the wrong airport so had text her that very morning to confirm that I was arriving at Belfast International.45 minutes later I was is the Land Rover heading out towards Belfast. I had noticed that although it was dark Alan had no lights on the car. I didn't want to mention it but after a few flashes I thought it best to say something, concerned for my own safety.

' Have you got the lights on Alan?'

' No - The nearside bulb has gone and I didn't want to attract attention'.

Now that must be Irish logic. One light does not work so I'll turn them all off so I don't get noticed. It turns out that Alan had been to pick up a new van for work and when they checked his licence it had expired two years ago.

Great.... No lights and no licence....

We finally got to my new workplace and picked Paula up and headed home to Carrowdore some 15 miles from Belfast city centre.  I caught up with some of the gossip and was in bed for 11.00. Have to be up at 5.30 for my first day in the Deli tomorrow..... Slept well!

My first day in the deli was not as expected ! I went along fully expecting to be the front of house manager serving latte's and americano's to the trendy Irish. None of it. I was working in the bakery. Over the next 6 weeks I was to learn some new skills. I'm now THE Muffin ad cup cake man.

Over time I developed my repetoir and after only two weeks I was actually trusted with doing all the baking on my own. It was hard work, of that there is no doubt but very enjoyable and quite theraputic. I did get a little tired of tidying the place up and then two days later it was a tip again. However Paula ever found anything was quite beyond me. During the 6 weeks we had two shop refits. Brought out a number of new products  (Perhaps the most novel was the spring collection of Cup Cakes). These featured one with a bumble bee on and another with a Ladybird nestled on a bed of green icing.They both sold extremely well although the insects did take quite a lot of detail work. Imagine my dissapointment when the ladybird cupcakes were described as 'slugs on slime'
The thing about the Irish is that they will buy anything with a sweet on the top. You would not believe how a couple of dolly mixtures and some glitter on the top of a simple cake will make such a difference to the salability. 

Above is a small selection of the things that I made while I as on my trip. At the end of April I returned home. Knackered but much wiser !