You can choose your friends, but you can't choose who you sit next to on long haul flights.......

I had a great night with Kelly. She just makes me laugh. After an Indian and a few glasses of wine I was off to my bed. I didn't sleep that well until of course it was time to get up...

A bacon buttie (my last for a while I suspect), a cup of tea and I was off to the airport in Manchester to catch the 14.10 to Dubai.

I'm sure it's part of the selection process that all security people at airports have to be so surly and rude. It happens the world over. They are probably night club bouncers in the evening or wannabe police officers. Many people are anxious with the prospect of flying. I'm sure it does not help having some jumped up knob barking orders at them. People in uniform egh!

The uniform thing seems to have extended to Costa Coffee too....

As most of us know, usually drinks are made freshly on order at most of these chains. I wouldn't ask for a coffee and expect to be given a Nescafe can and pointed in the direction of a microwave. Likewise, I wouldn't ask for a blackcurrent smoothie and expected to be pointed to a fridge with a row of 'Innocent' smoothie bottles. And then, when questioning if the Mango Frappe was home made, be told, no, it's in the fridge and it's all the same with a look that could have curdled milk. No, it's not the same. A) It is not as fresh and B) it costs £1.25 more than it does in Boots next door. Fuckwit! Maybe I'm getting old and things that shouldn't piss me off do. Anyway, I declined and took my patronage to Boots.

Friends Wayne and Vicky were flying out to Cyprus that afternoon and there was a chance I would see them at the airport. Wasn't to be. They arrived just as I went through the gate to board then plane. We sat, and sat, and sat. An announcement came over the tannoy apologising for the delay and stating it was down to the late arrival of the incoming aircraft. Bollocks! It arrived spot on time. Maybe I am becoming a grumpy old man !

In the end we took off about 60 minutes late. Once again I was on the super duper mini cooper fuck off double decker Airbus A380, affectionately also known as the 'Scarebus' by my flight attendant friends at KLM. I didn't ask why?



I had pre-booked my seats right the way through to Bangkok. 53a. I have sat next to some odd people in my time, but this couple took the biscuit. They were foreign, Eastern European I think. Now if I thought I was grumpy! This woman never stopped for the full 8 hours. Save the hello, I didn't say a great deal, which is good for me sitting next to her for nearly 8 hours. First it was the fact that there was no room in the luggage rack (there was plenty of room in the adjoining and opposite bins. The food wasn't nice, the headphones weren't B and O quality. The best was that the air con was too cold. To make a point she took three blankets and a HUGE puffer jacket and tied herself in her seat. Incidentally, spilling over into mine. She looked like a fuckin Eskimo. In addition to my dysfunctional seat mate, there were an Indian couple in front with a child who must have spent 4 of the 8 hours screaming at top volume. I turned my headephones up full blast and watched three films back to back. Have these people not heard of Calpol?

Apart from this the flight was fine and I arrived in Dubai fraught and tired!

After a three hour transit I boarded yet another 'Scarebus A380' for the 6 hour flight to Bangkok. Again, 53A was my seat only this time there was an Asian lady sat in it. She told me that she was sitting there as she was travelling with friends and they had been separated. I politely told her 'No!' I was sitting there. If they had wanted seats together they should have logged into the Emirates web site and done what I had done, which was pre-book the seats. That did wonders for the journey. We didn't need aircon on the plane this time as the temperature was icy enough.

Breakfast was had and then I slept. Indeed, so well I had to be woken up by the flight attendant. They have such a way! Pinch you on the arm while at the same time pushing your 'reclining' button so you involuntarily take the 'brace' position....

No trouble at immigration, I got the 60 days I was looking for so on to catch the bus... No bus...... I had travelled through BKK airport number of times on my last trip and rather than paying the extortionate taxi fares had taken the airport bus. It was only £3 opposed to the £8 taxi fare. This time the stand was unmanned. Taxi it was then. Over budget on the first day. I'll have to go without supper and a beer.

This visit, rather than stay in the Silom area, I had decided to go for the 'backpacker' area of Khao San Road. The taxi fare was reasonable. About £8. Maybe chicken fried rice and water for dinner then....

Does the kings wife look just like a typical 'Auntie Betty'. There were posts plaster everywhere, maybe it's her birthday and there is a national holiday, hence no bus!

Dropped at the end of Khao San I walked the 400m to the hotel and checked in. I had decided to go for a single rather than a dorm in the early days as it would be better for my jet lag...

The two receptionists at the hotel had obviously been on the same course as the security in Manchester airport. No smiles there then.

The room was fine, small but clean. I was shagged so thought I'd take a small nap. It was three o'clock. Not the wisest move. I would probably be wide awake at 10.00 and I was. At least there is free Wi Fi in the hotel.

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Location:Thanon Khao San,Bangkok,Thailand